Whoa~ today feel like better than the other days le. Because my grandma and the little cousin brother is not here. So, the entire house feel in peace ^^. I really admit that when they are here, they always make many noise and always argue with tiny things such as dinner. Can you believe that?! Uhh! i really cant stand them! If you were me, you really getting mad in one day... Since now they are in singapore, my mum and my maid can cook many delicious food^^ I really dont care whether it is a simple food like a fried rice or whatever. But most important that is the food is nice and delicious! Well, today my mum cooks curry chicken and the the kangkung and and many more that is nice le ^^ I really eat alot today..especially today!

Well, i admit that i dont eat well...ever since my grandma cooks the food. I can totally eat lunch only. Because sometimes lunch i only eat some bread or buscuits. Or even drink a cup of milo drink. Or maybe dont eat at all... So, many of my cousins oversea came back also said me im getting thinner than last year or last saw of me. Hahaha^^ Im always like that.. so, cant blame me what! I kindaf abit studborn... So, most of my jeans and trouses cant wear it although the sizes is S size! Hahaha...unbelieveable right? Until now also the same. My mum also getting thinner because of worried my sister. She is always like that, i also dont understand why... But i only know for some reasons..probably?! Hahaha^^ Well, i guess most of the parents will also worried their own children as well. No matter how old they are.

Another thing is i meet a weirdo in msn. I dont know who is she/he. Feel like acting weird..making me confused. Well, i really dont know why he/she telling me about he/she stuff. Maybe he/she got something unhappy happen or something else. But i really dont like making friends through online...this making me feel so uncomfetable. Because most of it i met them are lying to me. Or confess to me... Once i regret their confess, they saying some kind of reasons. What i mean is.. you dont like me and odnt even know who am i, why should i accept your comfess? Im a stranger towards you! Im not a play girl..if you are playing, why dont you find those "hot chicks" from china? That would be better! You even can have kiss and do sex with the "hot chicks" Since they are playing too.. One night stand really can serve you enough. Besides this just a game and it's a business between you and the "chicks". Well, i really suggest that kind of person try it as well!!! The most horrible thing happen is, someone that i dont even know who is he using my picture and put on his own friendster and tell everyone that im her girlfriend! I really want to know who is that pervert king! It's making me mad!!!

That's why i regret those who confess me... They treat it as a game! Well, i fall for someone, so i decided to confess to him...but unlucky, im not his charm girl in his heart. Of course im so sad about it. I told myself that maybe one day i meet someone that will appreciate me. I cant blame him that him. Because he had many choices...there's alot girls outside is better than me.. So, from that day on... I didnt fall for someone... I really didnt... because i know falling in someone is not an easy job. Future more, once you falling in someone...it was a pain and you know that some day he might left you. Because he had found some one better than you. So, i prefer friends on nowards. But i feel guilty to someone...because i feel like im using him as well.. He help me alot when im in trouble... But i didnt help him out. what i wish for, he would try to gave it to me.. But i didnt.. I dont know why he treats me so good. How if some day he fall for me and confess to me? I really treat him as my buddy no matter in what situation... Sometimes, i get closer to some certain person is to using them... But they though im kind, actually im not... Getting closer with certain people just to using them as well... That's other me... No one ever know that im have to personal details. Of course my mum know..but she really cant saw it with her own flesh! Only i know myself...

Within these two personalities, i cant know what im doing... So, sometimes i feel sorry and pity with certain people... Because they dont know my using them as well. Future more, i betray my best friend.. At first i though she could choose me, but im wrong... i have forgot that there is another person besides her... and always cheers her as well. Now i have figure out that the other person is not cheers her up.. is just using her and making fun of her.. So that she couldd have something in return. What a good planner! But im not, because i always listen what's her real heart saying.. She always acted happy in school but in the real life. She is not happy at all... That's what she told me about. I understand that.. But it wont work out, because in the end... She choose another person as well. Sometimes i though im her puppet.. But when i realise, i am a puppet after all. So, i decided to leave... i dont want to continue this kind of friendship as well.. But i still cant forget her.. Because she give me a real life. At the end, i leave her as well.. no matter what happen...from that time i left her. She is just a stranger to me no matter what situation....

Once i restart my ownself, i feel im still in the cage as well... That's mean im still cant left my past away.. No matter how i try.. So, i decided i forget it just awhile. But still these memories surrounding me in my brain... All these memories that i hate most in my life... I hate my past.. No matter what. I can only tell myself.. you can run away but you can hide it forever.. Because im scared eveything will happened it again. Well, it did happened again... I met someone for a few months only, though she could choose me as well... But she choose another girl just what it had happened before that.. Im lonely again... I couldnt cheer up since then. So, i pretend it.. if not she would asked why... Because she always smile and happy. That makes me forget my ownself. But i realise if this continue, that's mean i always running away from the real life. That's mean im always alone. I left apart from them. Im different from them. I know that from the begining.. Im really diffrent from others. Even since i knew the truth...

So, no matter what happen... at the end i was alone too. What had happen now, it will happen again... when the earth is vanished.. everything had happen will happen again as well. No matter who is trying to ran away or hide the truth.. It cant change it. That's why we have to die... Besides, i had people being treat me so good and well... especially guys! Even thoug my brother, he never treat me as good as well.. So, i really hate people treat me so well.. they sacrifice for me or rather get scolded for getting something to me. I really HATE it as well. Because i feel like they treat me so good, inturn to get something as well. This situation i get it from my sister. Do you know what's the feeling.. it is so pain... and can you believe that? My sister treat me so good to inturn to get something from me as well!!! This is nothing compare with using people... I admit i lie before.. i lie for some reasons.. But still i feel sorry, i cant said it in words. Because i feel guilty.. So, this is the same as i feel guilty when some one treat me good. I cant accpet that... It is true... I cant tell the real heart to anyone but myself.. The reason is...................................